The term is in vogue, but the phenomenon is to be watched out for.
Siddhartha Tripathy
Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. Conveying that a problem is easier to deal with when it has been identified and its nature understood, this old idiom holds true as much today as it did centuries ago.
Take, for instance, gaslighting.
The term per se has been fast gaining currency over the past few years, what with everyone – from political analysts and op-ed columnists, to celebrities and social media influencers – increasingly using it in various contexts. Such is its pervasiveness and popularity in the English-speaking world that Merriam Webster dictionary declared gaslighting as its word of the year for 2022. What’s more, a new Hindi-language film – titled ‘Gaslight’ – is seeing an OTT release this year.
However, gaslighting is not a newfangled word; it has been around for nearly nine decades. Having come into being after the release of British playwright and novelist Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 stage drama ‘Gas Light’, it became more widely known after the play was adapted into a Hollywood film ‘Gaslight’ (1944), starring Ingrid Bergman and Charles Boyer. In the story, the husband of the female protagonist is constantly trying to make her believe that she’s going insane, and he often does that by trying to convince her that the repeated dimming of their house’s gas lights – a direct consequence of his own surreptitious action – is actually a figment of her imagination.
Gaslighting – being more or less about psychologically manipulating or mentally abusing someone persistently to first make them doubt their own thoughts and sense of reality, and then eventually lose their self-esteem and confidence – is not far from being an inherently perverse human trait; it has existed as a phenomenon since time immemorial. Examples abound, both in history, mythology and the present times, of people messing with other people’s minds to either have the upper hand in personal and professional relationships or make wrongful gains at their expense.
However, in this era of information war and social media where cyberbullying, cancel culture and cut-throat competition run rampant, the prevalence and dangers of gaslighting have been growing exponentially. Most people have either been victims or stand at an ever-rising risk of being so. Many have suffered it at some point in their life – in differing degrees or for varying periods of time – without even realising the whens, hows and whys behind it. After all, gaslighting comes under different guises. Although it typically occurs in romantic relationships, it can also happen within family, friends, and workplaces. Whatever the case may be, the perpetrators tend to exploit the victims’ vulnerabilities based on their history, gender, class, race, sexuality or nationality, among other things.
Hence, the ever-increasing reference to the word in the media. And hence the need to identify and understand this evil.
They say charity starts at home. Or as the great Mahatma Gandhi had rightly advised: “If you want to change the world, start with yourself”. But how does one determine whether they or someone they know may be a victim of gaslighting? Therefore, it is important to identify the internal symptoms of gaslighting first.
Victims of gaslighting may face mental health setbacks, such as anxiety, depression, diminished self-esteem, post-traumatic stress disorder and suicidal thoughts. They may be consumed by self-doubt, filled with pessimism and hold the belief that everything happening in their life is due to their own flaws and faults.
Moving on to external symptoms: How do you detect gaslighting? What are its warning signs?
Lying and distortion are the most fundamental aspects of the phenomenon. Even when you are certain that you are being lied to, the person gaslighting you will try to convince you that they are telling the truth. They often use a technique known as distortion in which they twist older memories and facts to distract you from the course of your discussion and create enough confusion for you to start second-guessing yourself.
Then there is discrediting you and downplaying of your emotions. Those gaslighting you will pretend to be your friends but will malign you in front of other people. They may sneer, smirk or laugh at you when you are trying to say something important and serious. They may even accuse you of being too sensitive and lead you to believe that you are unimportant and the way you feel about certain things does not matter.
Next comes the convenient transferring of blame. The perpetrators will often make you feel responsible for their undesirable conduct. They will try to convince you that had you not behaved in a certain way, they would not have reacted so badly. The words and action of those trying to gaslight you will often not match.
Gaslighters also often use positive reinforcement and kindness as their ammo to keep you perplexed and unsure about the negativity they are surrounding you with. It often so happens that the victim of gaslighting seeks stability, happiness, reassurance and approval from the very person who is gaslighting them.
Last but not least comes isolating you from your world. Gaslighters often try turn your family and friends against you – or the vice versa – through lies and brainwashing. They can also try to alter your surroundings and immediate environment in many ways to eat away at your sense of self and your confidence in your memory.
Prevention is always better than cure. Staying aware of these signs can go a long way in keeping gaslighting – and gaslighters – at bay. But those already afflicted by it can certainly take a few steps to fight it and eventually put an end to it.
The first and foremost step they must take is to get rid of the hesitation or discomfort of reaching out to other people in their support system who can verify or validate whether they are indeed being – or are on the brink of being – gaslighted. A strong support system is invaluable – almost indispensable – in troubleshooting and firefighting gaslighting.
Equally important is to seek help from professionals who can show victims the right way to rectify their sense of self, rebuild their self-esteem and regroup to fight other challenges in life.
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